The Gang Has a Fourway
by yuffiehighwind
Summary: All Dennis wanted was to make things fair. Multiple pairings, slash and het.


**Summary: **All Dennis wanted was to make things fair.

**Notes: **Group sex, Mac/Charlie/Dennis/Dee. Anything going on is merely implied. Lots of swearing, though, because this is the Gang. Takes place after the events of my fanfic "We Are Nowhere and It's Now." Warning: Sibling incest.

Like "The Linguist," the story is told entirely through dialogue. One factor you may find frustrating - OR find entertaining, if you'd enjoy the challenge of guessing who is saying each line - is that there is no indication which of the four characters is speaking other than context clues. See the bottom of the page for more notes.

* * *

**The Gang Has a Fourway**

"Ow! Okay, who elbowed me in the face?"

"This was a bad idea."

"We've been over this, guys. It was the only way to make things fair."

"I meant having sex on this bed. It's too small."

"I could use some extra room."

"Where do you propose we do this instead, hmm? Charlie's bed is disgusting, Mac's got pictures of Jesus all over his room, and Dee—"

"Nope. Not cleaning up after this."

"No one wanted to go to your place anyway, Dee."

"I have everything we need right here. Mood lighting, music, lube, condoms..."

"Which we're only using for Sweet Dee's benefit, because no one wants a baby bird squawking around the bar."

"Shut up!"

"Full beds weren't built with four adults in mind, so we work with what we've got."

"A king size bed would be pretty sweet."

"Ooh, can we book a hotel room and do this there instead?"

"Do _any_ of you have the money required for such an extravagance?"

"We kinda thought _you_ did."

"We're paid the same salary!"

"Hey, uh, guys? I'm pretty sure I haven't been getting mine."

"Yikes."

"I've been meaning to ask you about that."

"That's a Frank question."

"Yeah, that's Frank's problem."

"I've pretty much just been eating whatever Frank puts in the fridge."

"Charlie! That did _not_ end well last time."

"I know! Jeez! I only take a little at a time."

"Good."

"So back to the matter at hand—"

"Don't you bring any of Frank's shit over _my_ place. I don't want to be complicit in your crimes again."

"Alright already!"

"Guys—"

"I'm just sayin'."

"He heard you the first time, Dee."

"I would gladly book a room at the finest hotel in Philly, but all that cash pays my rent _here_, and this is the bed I've got."

"We could always bang on the floor."

"That's disgusting."

"Good idea! Lay out a big blanket."

"Like a picnic."

"But with cocks."

"Drink some canned wine, real fancy like."

"We are having sex in _my_ bed and that is _final!"_

"Fine."

"Whatever."

"You didn't have to yell."

"Now where were we? Oh yes, Sweet Dee was over here next to me."

"Ya know what? I'm gonna stay over _here_ for a while. Do this for a bit."

"Whoah Dee, what are you...? _Ohh..."_

"See how that goes."

"Sure. Great. Fantastic. Mac and I will just be over here, then."

"Nah, man, I kinda want to get in on that action."

"Here Mac, you do that while I do this."

"_Oh, God..."_

"Look, you guys, I'm feeling a little left out. And considering this was _my_ idea—"

"I thought it was Dee's idea."

"You must be joking."

"It wasn't Mac's?"

"It was _mine!_"

"And Charlie's mind wouldn't go there."

"Definitely not."

"Huh what now?"

"He likes it now, though. Don't you, Charlie?"

"Look at his face. That is one blissed out—"

"Ouch! Lay off, Dennis!"

"Shh, don't piss him off. He's got whips and paddles and shit under the bed."

"Really? He only spanks me with his hand."

"Has he ever handcuffed you?"

"No, but he holds me down by my wrists, kinda like _this_."

"Me too! Does he ever do it like _this?"_

"I'm_ right_ _here_, you guys."

"Is it weird that I kinda like having you on top of me?"

"Well I _am_ a natural top."

"Hey, remember the time we made out on that futon in Schmitty's basement?"

"Yeah! And you were wearing that hideous brace."

"Shut up."

"Was that his sixteenth birthday party? I was so fuckin' high that night."

"I can't believe I'm even asking you this, and I know you're gay, but—"

"I've had my fair share of sex with the ladies."

"Personally, I think he's bi."

"You think everyone is bi, Dennis."

"What's 'bi' mean?"

"It's short for 'bisexual,' Charlie."

"Oh. What's—"

"It means you like both men and women."

"Gotcha. Ya know, I was never really into either. Other than the Waitress, of course."

"Lying around naked in Dennis' bed sends us some pretty mixed signals, dude."

"So are we gonna do this, or are we gonna keep yapping about who's gay and who isn't?"

"Why are you so antsy, Dennis? Jesus..."

"He's _always_ like this."

"I know, right?"

"Here's an idea. What if you two shut up and kiss?"

"I was just about to ask him that. Ugh, don't rush me."

"I don't know about this."

"We don't have to _do_ anything."

"Fine."

"This is a fourway, guys, not a game of Spin the Bottle."

"I can go get us a bottle."

"We're not playing—"

"On the count of three. One, two—"

...

"How was that?"

"You didn't let me say three!"

"Charlie, where are you going?"

"To get some beers for Spin the Bottle."

"For God's sake, this isn't a slumber party. Just a minute ago, those two were giving you a hand job!"

"I know. Be right back."

"That was...that was actually nicer than I thought it would be."

"Mmm, yeah."

"Hey guys, it looks like you're having fun. What do you say the three of us build an Eiffel tower, if you know what I mean?"

"I say no, and the lady says fuck off."

"Found some bottles! They've still got beer in 'em but we can drink it all in no time."

"Forget it. Mac's busy experimenting with heterosexuality."

"Oh, well, you take these two and we'll just double fist them."

"Now _that_ sounds more like it."

"Great! Here ya go."

"Hmph. Not quite what I had in mind."

"Holy shit, those two are really going at it!"

"Ugh, I can't watch."

"While I'm up, anybody want some snacks?"

"How are you completely disinterested in your lovers banging each other right now?"

"I dunno. Why are you so jealous?"

"I'm not _jealous."_

"You are, and you want me to get jealous too."

"Maybe you're right, Charlie. But I think I know a solution."

"Why are you staring at me like that? It kinda looks like you're gonna kiss me."

"Relax, Charlie, I'm not going to bite. I just want to—_God,_ your breath stinks! You didn't think to brush your teeth before this? _At least_ chew some gum. On second thought, we don't have to kiss. Just...lie down next to me and we'll put these amateurs to shame."

"We can hear you."

"I know. And Mac? She's never going to come like that."

"Shut up, I'm out of practice."

"Where should I put these bottles?"

"On the dresser. No, not _that_ one!"

"Huh?"

"Just...just put them on the floor."

"Um, 'kay."

_"Ohh fuck."_

"Goddammit, Mac!"

"Sorry, Dee."

"Dennis, your boyfriend came too soon."

"Not my problem."

"Uh, guys?"

"But I'm all worked up now! And I need...I need my big brother."

"My baby girl's got an itch she can't scratch?"

"_Wow._ You two are so gross it is _astonishing_."

"Guys—"

"Uh-huh. Little sis needs your warm, wet mouth on her—"

"Guys, there's a camera right here."

_"What?!"_

"Dennis, what the hell?!"

"You shitstick, you were _filming _us?"

"Oh my God, you filmed me banging _Dee?"_

"What, banging Dennis on tape is any better?"

"Well, yeah, for rewatchability. It can get pretty hot."

"Don't touch it, I'll shut it down myself. There, it's off. Happy?"

"We need to destroy that tape."

"Let's smash it!"

"Put that back down this instant!"

"I wasn't gonna break the camera, just the tape inside it. How do you get it out?"

"For what it's worth, Mac, that wasn't completely terrible. Can somebody hand me my clothes, please? Thanks. _Asshole_."

"What'd _I_ do?"

"I was talking to Dennis. And cover up that tiny, flaccid dick of yours, fuckhead."

"Hey!"

"Still talking to Dennis."

"I'm serious, Charlie, put it down! That camera cost $400!"

"Why do we still use that crappy one for everything if you've got this fancy spy camera?"

"_That_ one belongs to the group. _This_ one is mine, for my own personal..."

"_Illegal."_

"...use. So hand it over."

"Hmm. How 'bout _'no.'_ Hey Mac, heads up!"

"No, no, no! What are you doing?"

"You guys, we could have alotta fun with this."

"Blackmail?"

"Blackmail."

"Tie him up!"

* * *

**Later...**

"You can't just leave me here like this!"

"Don't worry, Mac will be back later to untie you."

"But not before we make a little movie of our own. I think there's some editing software on the computer at Paddy's."

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"YouTube?"

"Noooo!"

"Sounds good to me."

"Stop, wait, come back! Charlie, don't let them do this!"

"You shouldn't have elbowed me in the face, man. Hey, by the way, why _did_ you have a Little Bo Peep costume in your closet?"

"Fuck you."

"Maybe next time. 'Night, Dennis."

"Augh! Why the hell did I think a fourway with those idiots was a good idea?"

* * *

**Outside...**

"Do Dennis' plans _always_ blow up in his face?"

"Invariably."

"What should we do with the tape? You really want to cut a 'Bo Peep show' outta this thing?"

"It wouldn't be blackmail without it."

"So, like, we burn a dozen copies and scatter them throughout the city, in case he tries to steal it back?"

"That sounds like too much work."

"Three copies?"

"Whatever. What do you guys want to do afterwards?"

"I was gonna go to bed. Why? Got something in mind?"

"Wanna have a threeway?"

"Sure!"

"I could go for that."

* * *

_**Additional Notes: **_

_*Charlie and Dee stole food from Frank in "Mac and Dennis: Manhunters." _

_*Schmitty is a former member of the Gang, as seen in "The Gang Gets a New Member."_


End file.
